TSR Volume 1: An Outcast, a Cry Baby and Ryan Leaf Walk Into a Bar…

-- Courtesy of Brendan Smialowski / Getty Images --

I’d be hard pressed to find a better inaugural week for something as silly as this site’s new column, The Shame Report. With the new piece aimed towards being somewhat embarrassing and comical, what better anniversary than April Fools’ Day?

For being an aimless project of sorts, I feel like there’s always at least a handful of people to call out following the five-day work week. In fact, I think trying to keep the column generally related to sports is limiting. For now, that’s the way we’re going to roll with it.

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Ever since I can remember, NBA guard Delonte West has been somewhat of an outcast. But as a fellow Maryland native and serviceable player in the big leagues, I’ve always done my best to support the guy.

Last Wednesday, thanks to Matt Moore of CBS Sports, West was nice enough to entertain us with a quote that could very well leave you speechless. And while I don’t typically enjoy labeling people as “weird” (simply because I believe everyone is weird in their own right), Delonte West is by far the weirdest celeb personality the DMV has produced in a quite a while.

As a current member of the Dallas Mavericks, West was visiting the Dallas Zoo. Reasons behind his visit aren’t nearly as important as what he thought was necessary to share with the media…

I just ran out in the woods, whatever I could find take it home as a pet. I had a pet raccoon once. No, I took my few field trips to the zoo, but like I said, I think we’re getting ready to go see some of the lions and gorillas, my own kind and hopefully we can have a nice bonding experience and they will accept me as the pack leader.

See what I mean?

I suppose my first guess is that Delonte West is in fact a lion? Or is it a gorilla? What in the hell is Delonte West talking about? Aren’t raccoons typically rabid animals? Who allows raccoons as pets?

There’s no explanation with this one. But when attempting to imagine one, remember that in 2009 West was pulled over in Maryland for a traffic violation while driving a three-wheeled motorcycle and wearing a guitar case on his back. During the stop, police found a 9mm Beretta pistol, a .357 Magnum and a Remington 870 shotgun in the instrument case. Antonio Banderas, anyone?

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As an obvious Redskins fan, I don’t necessarily take well to the hating type. And as a franchise that has barely anything to show over the last two decades, us Redskins fans aren’t hated on all that much. But I can’t keep myself from wanting to punch an elderly man in the face after New York Giants CEO John Mara spoke about the Redskins’ recent salary cap penalties.

“I thought the penalties imposed were proper,” Mara said. “What they did was in violation of the spirit of the salary cap. They attempted to take advantage of a one-year loophole, and quite frankly, I think they’re lucky they didn’t lose draft picks.”

Oh, right. I get it. So if the IRS decided not to collect taxes one year, John Mara would stand up for what’s “right” and pay his taxes anyway?

Give me a break. This hypocritical whiner needs all the luck he can get with a make-believe legal leg such as “violation of the spirit of the salary cap.” That’s right, John, because the salary cap has feelings and loopholes are the devil.

While waiting for the legal system to take its course in the appeal process, Redskins fans can receive a temporary consolation prize by watching the movie, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. Not only is it a phenomenal film, but it also stars John Mara’s niece, Rooney Mara, and she may or may not be full nude in the movie on more than one occassion. Take that, John!

Thanks to NFC East blogger Dan Graziano for the always solid reporting.

Side Note: Rooney Mara is a terrific actress and well-deserving of an Oscar. It’s unfortunate that her Uncle John is such a douche.

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With each mention of Ryan Leaf’s name in the news, I can only imagine former No. 1-overall pick JaMarcus Russell looking up towards the sky, saying a quick prayer to the man upstairs and taking another shot of his sizzurp. Ryan Leaf has officially taken over the NFL’s embarrassing list of Biggest Draft Busts of All-Time.

Leaf, the former No. 2-overall pick in the 1998 NFL Draft, seemingly made enough headlines with his umpteen media gaffs, numerous injuries and overall terrible play in his very brief career as a professional quarterback. But–in typical Ryan Leaf fashion–he continues to out-do himself.

Leaf was arrested last Friday in his homestate of Montana on charges of burglary, theft and drug possession after he was caught breaking into a home in search of prescription pain medications.

Surprisingly, there are still a few people looking out for him, as Leaf was able to post bail the following day and stay out of the lovely Montana penitentiary. Unfortunately for Montana, they must keep their prisons entirely to clean. At least, Ryan Leaf thinks so.

Two days later, Leaf was arrested AGAIN for…wait for it…burglary, theft and two counts of criminal possession of dangerous drugs. That’s right. Once again, Leaf was caught breaking into a friend’s home and looking for prescription pain killers.

The story is beyond ridiculous and CBS News does its best to sort out the mess that is Ryan Leaf’s criminal standing, in this article.

And that’s why everyone should always be terrified when their football team needs a quarterback and they coincidentally hold the No. 2-overall pick, somewhat like the Washington Redskins do this seas….