Apparently I took some time off from writing about oddball stuff that doesn’t necessarily belong on the website. The last version of the Shame Report was published November 16, 2012 — right around the time I was having my meltdown about the Washington Wizards’ miserable start and the loss of Twinkies.
Not to fear. Litter your brain with this here new stuff.
By now, we’re all familiar with New York Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez and his past seven months — a stint in which he describes a “nightmare” and “probably the worst time” of his life. He’s gone from sucking at baseball, to getting hurt, to having two hip surgeries, to playing in the minor leagues, to being associated with steroid / PED, to most recently being suspended for 211 games, effective Thursday.
Because he’s a cheater and no one tends to like him anyway, Rodriguez’s latest suffering has served as pure comedy. The fact that one guy wants to be liked so much, but can’t seem to do anything right is entertaining.
What isn’t ammusing, however, is the fact the Yankees are about to be let off the hook for A-Rod’s ridiculous contract because of his deceit and fraudulent behavior. That the Yankees are about to cheat the rest of the league because they decided to pay said cheater.
According to a news release from Major League Baseball via FOX Sports, Rodriguez’s suspension “is based on his use and possession of numerous forms of prohibited performance-enhancing substances, including Testosterone and Human Growth Hormone, over the course of multiple years,” and for “engaging in a course of conduct intended to obstruct and frustrate the Office of the Commissioner’s investigation.”
FOX Sports writes, “Rodriguez would forfeit his salaries from the remainder of this season and all of next, but is owed $61 million by the Yankees from 2015-17, and could earn millions more as he closes in on the all-time home run record.”
In other words, the Yankees would receive a financial relief for the next two seasons as a result of Rodriguez’s cheating actions.
But wait a minute. How is this okay?
If Rodriguez were cracking homeruns and chasing the record, the Yankees would profit from it — increasing ticket sales, commemorative shirts, bobblehead bullshit, the works. That was the reason they chose to pay Rodriguez his jaw-dropping contract in the first place. They thought he’d be the first squeaky-clean player to break the homerun record and they wanted their pinstripes gobbling up all of ESPN’s air time.
All of sudden, now that Rodriguez is failing, the Yankees want to bail and recoup their money.
Is that how business works now? Ride the wave and cheer yourself on when things are going well and you’re making money, only to cry and claim to be ripped off when your investment fails?
What’s happening to Rodriguez in terms of his suspension is a direct result of cheating, and that’s what makes cheating so bad. It not only effects the player involved, but his teammates, his coaches and his team’s ownership. The entire brand and everyone that’s a part of it is compromised in one way or another.
The Yankees would ride Rodriguez if he were thriving, so they need to fall with him when he flounders.
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Things are getting weird, ya’ll.
The first lab-grown beef hamburger was cooked and eaten in London on Monday.
According to the Washington Post, the five-ounce burger patty cost more than $330,000 to produce and was paid for by Google co-founder Sergey Brin.
Josh Schonwald, the American author of “The Taste of Tomorrow,” and Hanni Rützler, an Austrian nutritional scientist had the privilege ( ? ) of being two of the three to taste the minced space meat sandwich, claiming that it tasted “almost” like a conventional burger.
“It’s close to meat, but it’s not as juicy,” Rützler said. “I was expecting the texture to be more soft. The surface was surprisingly crunchy.”
The product tasted like “an animal protein cake,” Schonwald added.
Why in the hell are people doing this?
According to scientist Mark Post, “At the global level, if all meat would be lab-grown, the greenhouse gas emissions could be reduced by 80 percent, and the water use by 90 percent.”
Tough decision for us humans, huh? Melt by way of the ozone, or eat petri dish meat feces.
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The Washington Post Co. agreed Monday to sell its newspaper to Amazon.com founder and chief executive Jeffrey P. Bezos for $250 million.
In April of last year, Instagram — a company less than two years old at the time with no documented revenue — sold for $1 billion.
That is all.
Read about the Post and its new ownership here.